Cradle of Filth
krishnaveni | 31 May 2009, 9:53pm
"Cold was my soul,
untold was the pain ,
i faced when you left me,
a rose in the rain.
So i swore to the razor,
that never unchained,
by the dark nails of fate,
be pushed through my veins again."
The above are the favorite lines of my favorite person.
Courtesy: A song called "Nymphetamine" by 'Cradle of Filth'.
Current Mood: thoughtful
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Right or Wrong?
krishnaveni | 24 May 2009, 10:52pm
What do you do when life shows you two opposites and your mind is torn deciding what could be right?
Do you even want to put yourself in situations like that?
Would you volunteer and proceed towards the ‘torture house’ knowing that is where you would end up?
Every time I decide that I won’t let my thoughts take control over me, life puts me in a place where I stand and think “What the Heck!! For this thing (or person) I can take a thousand times worse punishment” because, though cynical by habit, something inside me still tells me I can trust that I would have that support. But Wham!!! I get hit so hard, all the time.
Nevertheless, I am willing to stick to “my so called misjudgement of the situation or the people in it”, as my own choice and live with it. Because the one decision I made in my life was that I would live it my way. My mistakes and my choices. My happiness because of what I achieved as ME. And when I look back years later, down the lane, I can still tell myself that I did something because I really wanted to.
Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: Dream On!!!
Currently Reading: Quit Reading for a while :P
Recent Movies: The Reader
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Life in the twilight zone
krishnaveni | 8 May 2009, 11:05pm
I stand and look at myself today
See myself a little broken,
A little burnt,
A little hurt and charred, here and there.
I also see a smile on my face
When I think of what I have seen
What I have done so far
To be standing today, and that too here.
There has been sunshine at times,
And storms too soon followed.
I have been ripped apart,
But at the same time found beliefs that strung me back together.
I have lost
And found myself almost instantly,
In someone’s sorrow
Or in someone’s smile.
Now,
At this point,
I look back,
But yet I do not see.
There is a part of me, yet to be free
Or maybe there is something inside of me which has to yet disappear.
This has been my life,
My life in the twilight zone J
P.S:
This is a thank you note to all the people who have touched my life in one way or the other.
Current Mood: Thoughtful, emotional
Current Music: Unfaithful-Rihanna
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My World
krishnaveni | 29 March 2009, 3:07pm
I have been up...
I have been down.
I have been happy...
and i have been low.
I have been smiling like a fool...
I have been on the verge of breaking down.
I have acted alive every single moment...
but yet i have been dead from inside for a really long time.
All i realised is that. . .
No matter what i do, how hard i fight,
I am still standing at the same point
watching the world move past at lightning speed,
watching people walk away,
But i am still there,
caught in words, lies and truth
which have halted my movement in this world.
Current Mood: Lost
Current Music: "I Pray" - OST A Walk to Remember
Currently Reading: A young girl's diary - Anne Frank
Recent Movies: Re watched "A walk to remember"
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Lives together
krishnaveni | 22 March 2009, 9:57pm
Was watching Notting Hill, and this scene kinda reminded me a lot of things i was cynical about for a long time.
Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant are walking in this private garden, and Julia Roberts stops near a bench and reads what is written on it-
"To June who loved this garden,by Joseph who always sat beside her"
and then she says "Some people do spend their entire lives together".
And then i realised, that my cynical thoughts have changed over the past few months. But Life has again brought me to a place where i am being forced to be cynical.
Dont know why. Dont want to know why. Because logic and reasoning dont work in matters related to heart. Reasons seem like excuses and Logic hurts like hell.
Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Notting hill-"when you say nothing at all"
Currently Reading: The second Krishnamurthi Reader
Recent Movies: The Cube
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The greatest hangover ever!!!
krishnaveni | 8 February 2009, 11:54am
The whole world is a huge pub.
God is the most amazing bartender.
He can fix up any drink for you,
based on the mood of your life.
Sorrow, Happiness, Disappointment,
Distress, any emotion you need.
But the strongest of them all is LOVE.
It is a great drink if you are
destined to hold it in.
Otherwise, it's just ecstasy going into yor life
and an unbearable hangover afterwards.
Current Mood: lost
Current Music: emotional atyachar
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At the mercy of my own thoughts
krishnaveni | 21 January 2009, 8:55am
“This is not how I thought it would be”.
I have said this to myself so many times in my life. Now I wonder, if I ever knew how it would be. You always think you know. But you never do. Someone up there makes sure that you never do. It might seem like all our fates are written in a simple language easy to decipher. It just looks simple. The fate of each one of us is so intertwined with so many others’s life. And I have lost track of where mine stands right now. I always thought I would do something else, especially other than what I am doing right now. And I recently realized that I always think this way. All the time. I don’t know if it’s because I am never content. Maybe that’s how my mind works. It’s not that I keep looking for something greater in life; it’s just that what I have always goes wrong. And then I begin to think if this was what I wanted in the first place.
Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: Water running down near the cooler
Currently Reading: And then there were none....
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Dead and loving it!!!
krishnaveni | 10 December 2008, 6:14pm
Just wanted to post in something after a long time. Here it goes. . .
---------------------------------------------------------------------
You can cry under the covers
because then no one would bother
you can pretend to always be sleeping
and then no one would see you weeping
you can smile and pretend to be happy
and you never need to tell anyone how crappy life can be
you can stand in front of the mirror
and scream out loud that you are okay
But....
you know the truth
that you lie the loudest when you lie to you and you alone....
Current Mood: Lost
Current Music: Wonderwall
Currently Reading: The monk who sold his ferrari
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On the line
krishnaveni | 14 June 2008, 7:39pm
Have u ever wondered
How it is to know
And to not know at the same time
How it feels to stand on the line
But never get to cross it or step back
It comes from within
Something that urges you to
Prove urself
Make a mark
Coz in this world
U stand alone
And now u stand on the line
A step ahead has its consequences
So does a step back
U keep wondering how long
How long till the line vanishes
The line vanishes and a path appears
But this will be there
Until u know what u want
Until u know what u need
Until u know what u need to do
Until u know for sure
Coz when u r sure
The line doesn’t matter
A step ahead or back doesn’t matter
Coz its ur decision
And u stand alone
And u stand strong
U know what it has taken u to come this far
U know what it is to be here, on the line
And u also know
U also know what it takes to move ahead
So in the end
Its just u and the line
Its just u and whatever that lies behind or beyond
Its just u and that one step
Its just u and the line
Current Mood: Thoughtful
Current Music: Kabhi kabhi aditi-Jaane tu ya jaane na
Currently Reading: Catch-22
Recent Movies: Aamir
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Ignorance was bliss, it hurts now that i have woken up!!!
krishnaveni | 5 April 2008, 7:47pm
Yawn!!!
It feels like I have been asleep for ages. Don’t go away jumping to the conclusion that I always sleep. Well, sometimes I do. But this sleep is different. You think you know something all your life. And you feel you are sure about this one thing, so sure that nothing can change your mind about it. And then wham! Reality bites. Ouch!! And this is how you wake up from that sleep of ignorance. Whoever said ignorance was bliss, never did mention how life would turn out after you woke up. Sad!! Guess they thought everyone had to figure it out individually.
My ignorance is best illustrated with my trust issues with different kinds of people. I am a sort of a prejudist. I make my assumptions about people and have a really tough time accepting when I am proven wrong. I have learnt to be a little more considerate when judging people owing to the fact that I myself never leave a good first impression. Well now u know that I don’t outright go and bite people I don’t like. Phew!! Now that it’s cleared. I am no people hater!
Since my revelation to be less prejudistic, I am being way too optimistic about everyone. And you know optimism wont work that well. Because I am new to it!!! Maybe I was too long away from people, hibernating in my own thought world and now I know that everything has changed. Relationships are never the same. Friends, the way they treat you has changed. Consider me an oldy, but in our good old days, friends were people who we rated as the next best thing to family. Now, its just people who have time and money to spend with you. No further strings attached.
And the other sort of relation, where you find your “the one”. In good old days, the Mr. Perfect would woo his girl in perfect style. All the courtesies maintained for life. Now, it has come down to this. Be nice till the relationship starts. Then you can be what you are. It’s up to the other person to either live with it or not.
I guess I have been out of touch with this style. So it doesn’t go down so well with me.
And yeah, most of you might be thinking, this is typical girl-talk. But however much insane I might sound right now, some changes are easily noticed. I can understand stuff related to careers and time management. All I know is that there are no excuses for lack of love in a relationship. And I just woke up realizing that I was trying to see reason in excuses.
These realizations strike hard!! Don’t know how long it would take to be normal again. But yeah I would be normal. Everybody does get back to the monotonous boring life again. We all love it that way. Don’t we!!
All I have to say is the following lines are shit… true to my experiences
“You found love. . Don’t fight it”.
If what you found is not yours, fight your way out!!
Current Mood: Cold
Current Music: Teri deewani
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A simple Story
krishnaveni | 6 March 2008, 1:00pm
A silent night,
A teary drop traveling down her cheek.
A silent sob,
Because no one knew she could weep.
Once this face knew nothing of tears,
Had never shown any fears,
So maybe the gods thought that it was the time right,
To see this face cry in fright.
Then came someone in guise,
Who promised the face a hope of paradise.
Little did it know that gods have conspired.
To see it wither in sorrow has them inspired.
That someone was sent to a distant land,
And promises were left at the mercy of the wind,
written in sand.
So now it has come down to this. . .
A silent night,
A teary drop traveling down her cheek.
A silent sob,
Because no one ever knew this face could weep.
Current Mood: Gloomy
Current Music: click
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Nothingness
krishnaveni | 21 January 2008, 6:22pm
The sands of life cast an evil mirage
I see what I want
But it is what I will never get
My own thoughts laugh at me. . .
As my sanity crawls back to the darkest corner ever. . .
Hope and faith are mere echoes
Coming from a distant land. . .
Hush now. . .
My future is sleeping forever. . .
All that people say
Is just a wicked whisper
It keeps reminding me of all that has gone wrong.
Wrongs that cannot be undone. . .
Current Mood: Destructive
Current Music: just plain noise
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The only thing i want
krishnaveni | 7 December 2007, 11:09am
This is my idea of death...
in those last moments..
when everyone says that the entire life flashes before them...
i want my last words to be...
"There you are...
I was looking for u for a long time!!!"
thats how i want it to end... though there might be regrets, i want to live it so well that the only thing i missed all through my life was Death alone.
Current Mood: Heroic
Current Music: silence
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The "NO" Girl
krishnaveni | 30 September 2007, 7:42pm
There she goes. The “NO” girl. Why do I call her that? You would understand why, once you go through the conversation below.
Me: Did u eat?
Her: No.
Me: Will you eat?
Her: Don’t know.
Me: What u doing?
Her: Nothing.
Me: So how’s life treating you? Good?
Her: No. Nothing much happening in life right now.
Me: What do u want to do after your graduation?
Her: Don’t know. Haven’t decided anything.
Me: Why so?
Her: Don’t know.
Me: Is that your standard answer?
Her: No.
Me: So what’s more?
Her: Nothing much.
Me: U going to college tomorrow?
Her: Nopes.
Me: Seen any movies recently?
Her: No.
Me: Do u ever use anything other than no for an answer?
Her: No.
Me: Are u free this Saturday? Can we meet?
Her: No. I am not sure what my plans might be.
Me: Okay. Do u like rock climbing?
Her: No. I am scared of heights.
Me: What about swimming, snorkeling or boating?
Her: No. I am scared of water too.
Me: So u obviously never learnt how to swim.
Her: No. I did learn. And I know how to. But I chose not to.
Me: Okay. So what is it that u are interested in?
Her: Nothing as of now.
Me: What would u say if I told u that u look pretty?
Her: Nothing.
Me: Okay. If u need to know more about me, just shoot questions.
Her: Not now.
Me: Did u check the mail I sent u?
Her: No. Will check it later.
Me: Okay.
So this is how a typical conversation with her goes. Everything is replied with answers ranging from a simple no to nothing or nopes. The “NO” girl.
Now, back to reality. The “Her” is me. To be more clear, the “Her” was me. Now life is different. And its all because I realized that Someday someone might ask u a question, to which u might just have to say “YES”. And I did.
And the “NO” girl has left from within. There she goes.
Current Mood: Cheerful
Current Music: Sathiya-DARLING
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HAPPINESS :)
krishnaveni | 6 September 2007, 10:09am
Happiness is a big thing. Period. After everything that you say and do, happiness is what you search for. Sometimes I think it’s selfish, me looking for my happiness in everything I do. But then again my happiness lies with somebody else’s. So I am not so selfish after all. *Smiling*.
A friend of mine once said that if we try and define our happiness, we might never be happy. I think I agree. In an indirect sense, once we start expecting something, disappointment creeps in. It’s the same case with happiness. If we define boundaries for our happiness, define what makes us happy and what doesn’t, we might miss out on things that might actually give more happiness. But then again, how will you realize you are happy unless you definitely know what makes you happy.*Thinking*.
Do you think you are dependent if your happiness lies with someone else? It’s not that you can’t be happy on your own. It’s just that the other person makes you even happier.
Does this mean that you are depending on someone emotionally? Is that good or bad? Good because you are trusting someone so much. (For people like me, trust is almost as alien as expecting Rakhi Sawant not to get into issues regarding morality, or Kyunki finally coming to an end.*grinning*). Bad because the thought that the happiness that revolves around someone else does finally come to an end.
So all in all I am confused as always. *Blushing*. But hey, this wouldn’t be the world of the eternally confused without any confusion. Right!!
So, I solemnly swear that I will try to live in the present and leave behind the past and stop worrying about the future.*winking*. Lets see how far that goes.
Current Mood: Happy Indeed!
Current Music: none
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